Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
