fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
