Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
one two three fourrrrnication!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
