Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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