Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
