hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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