i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
