so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
