She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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