dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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