White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
