Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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