she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
