the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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