____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
