My girlfriend figured out who you are.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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