I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
