I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
