My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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