The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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