she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
