So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
this hospital has no fireball
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
