The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
