Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
