you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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