I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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