i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
