the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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