He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
