Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
