def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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