Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
