i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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