I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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