dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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