Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
time to smoke my breakfast
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
