u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
