she woke up with a sticky ear
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Im part way to drunk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
