I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
