Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
