sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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