What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
