you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
