Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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