Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
