I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
