Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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