Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All I want is dick and wine.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
