i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
