U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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