You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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