We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
