I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
