You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
